DON’T DO STUPID STUFF!

I harp on most of the normal safety issues in these columns. Probably to excess. Wear you PFD. Don’t go alone. Stay out of floods. Take spare paddles. Avoid “low head” dams. Watch the weather. Don’t drink on the water. Normal safety stuff.

Most of it is “common sense.” Which is way, too, rare.

Most of it can be succinctly summed up as : ‘DON’T DO STUPID STUFF!”

My daughter, bless her heart, was a charge nurse for an upscale nursing home for several years. Her guests could usually pay for private doctors. She would shake her head and complain: “These folks have enough money so they have a substantial amount of
“Independent Agency.” And then she would add: “Which they universally use to do STUPID STUFF!”

Which she would usually find out about when the hospital would send them back to the nursing home in a cab, with no warning or paperwork. Old folks with money and an exaggerated sense of agency loose on their own on the island of Oahu should probably be a comedy TV series.

Anyway, confession time. I, personally, have done my fair share (maybe a little more than my fair share) of stupid stuff.
Don’t do this. I have no idea how I managed to stay alive so long. If you feel the urge to share your own tales of stupid stuff that you survived, please send them in! People typically don’t learn from other people’s mistakes, but we all enjoy listening to stories about surviving catastrophes when it is their own fault.

I Canoed down a river in full flood stage, in mid December, clogged with ice floes. At midnight. With no lights or PFDs. I was  young and stupid and felt I was indestructible. Forgive me. Don’t do that. I was with 3 other college buddies and we all felt indestructible. We survived.

I kayaked from Hidalgo Falls to 105 one dark moonless night, with no boat lights. We did, however, wear PFDs. But there are two sets of rapids in that stretch, which we only heard as we went through them, because, note: “moonless night.” It was great fun and we all survived. Probably wouldn’t do it again.

I hitchhiked around Chicago in 1976, and got picked up by a convicted murderer, and John Wayne Gacy. And they weren’t the most dangerous driver that picked me up that day. Don’t do that. Long story.

I hiked around Mt. Ranier one winter in a white-out, by myself. It was dicey for a while. 

I forgot my paddle to go to a paddle down the San Marcos once. And forgot my sleeping bag on a Christmas paddle campout to San Marcos. Brrrrr. Cold. Don’t do that. 

Wear your PFD. Watch the weather. Don't go alone. Stay out of floods. Avoid low-head dams. Don't drink on the water. Take a spare paddle. Drink plenty of water. Wash your hands. Look out for the other folks on the water with you. 

DON'T DO STUPID STUFF