AUTHOR’S NOTE: The intent of this column is entertainment, usually at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sometimes sneak in some good information along with all of the drivel. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality amidst all the circumlocution and misdirection in these sketches.
Q:
Follow-up from last month’s Northern Lights item: If the radiation from solar flares is coming at me at 45 million mph, how much protection is Boudreaux’s Butt paste going to provide in practical terms?
A:
Good point.
Q:
What happened to your favorite paddle when you took a swim in the Caddo River?
A:
I really loved that paddle, and I have given this a lot of thought. Michio Kaku says that in Einstein's equation, time is a river. It speeds up, meanders, and slows down. The new wrinkle is that it can have whirlpools and fork into two rivers. So, if the river of time can be bent into a pretzel, create whirlpools and fork into two rivers, then time travel cannot be ruled out. Therefore, I have concluded that my paddle took a different fork in the space-time continuum and is now somewhere in the Caddo River in the past or future.
CONCLUSION: I will never find my paddle in my linear lifetime.
Michiu Kaku
Q:
What are the best snacks for day trips?
A:
Whatever you like most, filtered by whatever does not make you sick.
Q:
Do we need to take any special precautions for trips that include a full moon?
A:
According to a diverse cross section of authorities, including my wife, astrologers, mystics, the Almanac (planting and parasites), shamans, wolves, and various ER nurses, yes. However, as enthusiastic as these authorities may be, they provide no specific guidance about what kinds of precautions to take. It’s like the road signs that say “Drive Carefully”.
Q:
What did Eagle Scout, college football running back, businessman and church leader Joseph B. Wirthlin say about decisions and rivers?
A:
Those who stand at the threshold of life always waiting for the right time to change are like the man who stands at the bank of a river waiting for the water to pass so he can cross on dry land.
LKF (Little-Known Fact):
A really big cloud can weigh a million tons.
Related little-known facts:
A “typical” cumulus cloud weighs about 700 tons.
A cloud that is 1 cubic kilometer weighs about 551 tons.
WORD OF THE MONTH:
USED IN A SENTENCE:
The turtle slipped into the water and quickly evanesced in the depths.
GOOD ONE:
MUG O' THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD:
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
PARTING THOUGHT:
John O'Donohue
The Author and Compiler, Kent Walters