Your Cosmic Paddling Questions Answered
AUTHOR’S NOTE: The intent of this column is entertainment, usually at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality amidst all the circumlocution and misdirection in these sketches.
WELCOME 2024!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Q: Jake Parks, in the October 2023 issue of Astronomy, claims, “The question on everyone’s mind is: How often do asteroids miss Earth?” What do you think?
A: I think Jake has lost touch with his audience. First, the answer to his question is: Pretty often. The question on my mind, if I thought about it at all, would be: How often do asteroids hit earth, and what impact (pun intended) would such an event have on Lake Charlotte? The answer to the first part of this question is: Not very often. The answer to the second part of this 2-step hypothetical question depends on several variables, such as, how big is the asteroid in question, how fast is it going, is it following the earth in its orbit (lower relative speed), coming straight at it (higher relative speed), or is it intersecting the earth’s orbit from another plane, does it actually hit the earth or explode above the earth, at what altitude does it explode, does it intersect the earth in our hemisphere, etc. Of perhaps greater concern is when you get into the details of how often an asteroid of any significant size hits the earth, and Jake says that one the size that helped wipe out the dinosaurs is supposed to hit us only once every million years.
You realize with some apprehension that was sixty million years ago, and . . . Now you go back to your notes from your high school probability and statistics class and nervously review the coin flipping illustration of probability.
Q: Are dams good or bad?
A: First principle: Assuming nature knows what it’s doing, dams in general seem like a bad idea. However, there are two opposing cases that leave me wondering:
- human-provoked situations that nature does not accommodate fast enough
- dams that are already in place
These are variations of the same issue – people caused a situation in a slowly evolving natural environment that changed the requirements of co-habitation with nature. This could take the form of building a city on the banks of a river, which starts out as a modest enterprise, but often grows beyond its initial low-impact imperatives of convenient access to water for transportation, life and irrigation into a whole series of unintended consequences as it scales up. As the village grows into a Chicago-sized metropolis, flooding affects far more people who cannot easily move out of its path, and far more water for irrigation and life is required. The case for a strategically placed dam can be compelling, even if the cause of the case is wholly attributable to the success of the human-driven location, ergo, item number 1. Some would argue, and not without reason, that the people who choose to live in large numbers in that location deserve what they get. After all, the river was there before they were, and they knew about it. But then politicians grab ahold of the cause, which has instantly transformed into a crisis and therefore a voter issue. Of course, the majority of the voters are going to want protection for their property and livelihoods, so a dam becomes the battle cry of the successful people-pleasing and opportunistically corrupt politician. And the politician gets re-elected and becomes wealthy from dam construction kickbacks, and the dam eventually gets built at 10x over budget, thereby becoming item number 2.
For dams that are already in place, it’s an opportunity to be exploited. We have waterfowl refuges, marshes, and protected coves and islands (former hilltops) on the lake side of the dam. Of course, on the other side of the dam we have dam releases for power, downstream irrigation and lake level management. These can provide excellent rides, which are especially appreciated when conditions are dry and river levels are too low elsewhere for fun paddling.
So the short answer to the original question is, “of course”.
Q: How can you prevent thievery of your provisions on a 5-day camping excursion?
A: A Solar Electric Fence should do it. Just hook up the black side of the energizer to a ground rod and connect the red side to wire on insulators above your food. Then set up a game camera for a wildlife version of America’s Funniest Videos. If you’re quick enough, you can make a new hat for Fess Parker.
Q: What does British physician, lecturer, author, CF, BSc (hons), MSc (Oxon), BM, DCH, DCCH, DFSRH, FRSTM&H, FFTM RCPS (Glasg) Jane Wilson-Howarthsay about rivers?
The river is such a tranquil place, a place to sit and think of romance and the beauty of nature, to enjoy the elegance of swans and the chance of a glimpse of a kingfisher.
Q: Where do you stand on the topic of rolling?
A: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
WORD OF THE MONTH:
Used in a sentence:
The aphyllous trees of winter with their naked, silhouetted branches made it very easy to see the pair of bald eagles as we paddled beneath them.
GOOD ONE:
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it. Sam Levenson
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD . . .
PARTING THOUGHT:
Gratitude is a divine emotion: it fills the heart, but not to bursting; it warms it, but not to fever.
Charlotte Bronte