AUTHOR’S NOTE: The intent of this column is entertainment, usually at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality amidst all the circumlocution and misdirection in these sketches.
Q: What is an example of a cognitive incongruity in kayaking?
A: This is when you are supposed to lean into a rock you are being pushed into sideways when you were not paying attention, but your whole being is screaming, “LEAN AWAY FROM THAT THING! It’s hard and rough, and it will HURT YOU”!
Q: Between canoes and kayaks, who has the right-of-way?
A: There is no right of way on the water. Every boater is obligated to do what is required to avoid collision. In any meeting of boats, one is deemed the stand-on vessel and the other the give-way vessel. If there is no right of way on the water, who the hell cares which is the stand-on vessel and which is the give-way vessel?
Q: (Current Events) What is an annular eclipse?
A:
A (continued): Going to the definitions and selecting the most inappropriate meanings, it turns out that an annular eclipse is a circular thing that surpasses all others in grandeur, beauty and expense.
This Pink Star is an annular object that eclipses all other annular objects, becoming, essentially, the “pearl of great price” of the diamond jewelry world.
Showing my work:
Annular:
Eclipse:
Q: When something goes missing on a kayaking adventure, what is the generally accepted explanation?
A: It used to be poltergeists, but recent data suggests the cause is more likely to be raccoons (reference Current River Trip Report, October 2023).
As of this publication, there is a study still under peer review that shows a promising competing theory involving crows and ravens.
Q: What does self-help author and breathwork guru Scott Stabile say about rivers and us?
“I was still water, held by my surroundings.
I am now a river, carving my own path.”
WORD OF THE MONTH:
Used in a sentence:
Sitting in my kayak among the cypress trees of Champion Lake, I can achieve ataraxy.
It is often easier to maintain ataraxy paddling a canoe than sitting at home.
GOOD ONE:
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD . . .
PARTING THOUGHT:
