AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality
Q: How big of an impact does putting your finger in the river make to the overall scheme of things?
A: An intuitive response would come out something like, “not very big” or “no impact whatsoever”. However, when one considers the elements of chaos theory and its iconic butterfly effect example and allows it to run unrestrained for trillions of years, several dramatic possibilities light up the board, from climate change to extinctions to terraforming. Just be careful.
Q: Have you ever witnessed a mutiny on any of the HCC trips you have been on?
A: Yes, in fact, on a trip in the Big Bend area (I don’t remember if it was Santa Elena, Colorado or Boquillas Canyon), it was getting late in the afternoon. We were scouting for a good camping location, and I specified finding one on the US side. I found a good one on the US side, but everyone thought the one across the river on the Mexican side looked better, so they all went over there. So much for my leadership abilities.
Q: It has been said that all critical inflection points in our lives can be measured in inches and seconds. How could this generalization apply in canoeing?
A: In canoeing, situational awareness is an all-the-time imperative, and from the time the brain registers a hazard to the time the paddle has to be correctly positioned in the water is a matter of very few seconds. The number of inches in the water the paddle has to submerge to be effective in avoiding the hazard is about 12 to 18, and the difference in inches of the angle of attack of the front paddle’s leading edge to avoid disaster is 4. And this is just the bow paddler’s situation. Please see the photo below for an example of a similar stern paddler action.
Q: Is anyone exempted from the “Wear Your Life Jacket at Work Day” challenge?
A: For many of us this is not a difficult, or even awkward, concession, but for others it could be a real challenge. For example, wearing a PFD would frustrate ocean-based shipwreck surveyors, since their objective is to sink.
Similarly, maintaining the illusion of a happy-go-lucky mermaid at Weeki Wachee Springs State Park or Disneyland would be incredibly difficult while wearing a PFD.
Q: What did Russian romantic poet, writer, painter and psychic hotline staffer Mikhail Lermontov say about rivers and, by analogy, about life?
Q: What is Amy thinking?
A: She certainly makes it a challenge with the sunglasses, but here are my best three guesses:
“That log could hurt me if I don’t get low enough.”
“I knew I should have worn my helmet.”
“Seriously, cane again?”
WORD OF THE MONTH:
Used in a sentence:
“The wind screamed down Boquillas canyon where we were camped, flattening our tents and rendering everything we owned sabulous.”
GOOD ONE:
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD: : :
PARTING THOUGHT:
