AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality.
Q: There are many accessibility accommodations for canoeing and kayaking, such as floating docks with rollers, one handed paddles, transfer benches, etc. Is there anything specifically designed for short-term memory loss?
A: Yes, this T-shirt will remind the memory challenged individual about what he was doing before his latest lapse. However, this particular shirt might further disorient him, as it says kayaking and has an image of mountain peaks. It also has two double-blade paddles, which might get him looking for the other one. Maybe this is an early version, and the designers will discover there is some room for improvement before sending it out to the market.
Q: What is the best way to carry water on multi-day remote paddling trips?
A: Good question. This is always a matter of concern where drinking water, which weighs a lot and takes up a lot of room, has to be carried or manufactured to keep us properly hydrated. There are bladders you can lay in the bottom of your storage compartment, which take up room in your storage compartment, bladders you can wear that change the center of gravity against you, bottles that take up even more space in your compartment, but can be distributed throughout your vessel, and filtration systems which don’t take up much room, but force you to spend time collecting and filtering the water. By far the best way to carry lots of water is the “ramora” system, which can’t be beat for convenience and capacity. In the photos of the grey model above, you can see the fill plug, and a place to mount a GoPro (they thought of everything). The photo of the red version shows how it attaches behind the cockpit.
Q: How do you scratch your kayaking itch after several months with no rain?
A: Drought Kayaking – no shuttle required, easy put-in, easy take-out and few navigational challenges.
Q: Is there another way of stopping a kayak or canoe quickly besides backpaddling?
A: Yes, you can run into something, like the shore, or a big rock, or a cliff, or a bigger vessel, or you can outfit your paddle with a hand brake, as illustrated above.
Q: What did media mogul Ted “Mouth of the South” Turner say about rivers?
Q: What is your favorite summertime canoeing beverage, and how do you keep it cold?
A: I love Slurpees. The NRS Slurpee Bag, with its insulated bladder and integrated straw, is the best way to enjoy this refreshing concoction after strenuously paddling or languidly drifting to remote locations.
Q: What happened in this photo?
A: My take on it is that this kayaker intended to go over the shelf bow-first but got hung up on the rock in the center of his kayak, and the current spun him around, whereupon the kayak let loose of the rock and he went over the shelf butt-first. Looking further downstream, unless he is really quick, or the current takes pity on him, he’s going to go over the next shelf stern-first as well.
Q: Some of the handles on the kayaks we carry to and from our vehicles and put-ins and take-outs hurt my hands. Is there an accessory that can make this operation less painful?
A: Yes, these are called “gazornenplats” (don’t ask me why), and you can use them on any kayak handle. Just put the existing handle through the slit, and you have an instantly padded handle. NOTE: This does not make the kayak or canoe any lighter.
WORD OF THE MONTH: Feuilleton
A part of a newspaper or magazine devoted to fiction, criticism, or light literature.
Paddling Perspectives
Used in a sentence:
Paddling Perspectives is a regularly appearing feuilleton of the monthly Houston Canoe Club’s Waterline newsletter.
Q: What is this (please see photo)?
A: I have no idea, but it sure pops, doesn’t it?
GOOD ONE:
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
Overheard . . .
PARTING THOUGHT:
