AUTHOR’S NOTE: The intent of this column is entertainment, usually at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality amidst all the circumlocution and misdirection in these sketches.
Q: On the “Events and Trips” page of the Houston Canoe Club website is the following disclaimer:
“HCC MAKES NO CLAIM TO THE SUITABILITY OF THE TRIP/EVENT OR THE RELIABILITY OF THE ORGANIZER(S)”
What is the range of suitability of the trip/event and reliability of the organizers one can expect to see?
A: Interesting question. Addressing the suitability factor first, it is no secret that the put-ins and take-outs on some trips are not exactly handicap accessible / wheelchair-friendly. As a reference, please see photos of the 6-phase Trinity put-in in last month’s leading item. Other trips might seem quite tame to the organizer and many participants but could be terrifying to some (Alice on the Rio Grande).
Alice (left) enjoys her coffee in preparation for another terrifying day on the Rio Grande river.
Then we come to the reliability of the organizers – the range is wide and deep.
Bruce Bodson, Trip Organizer on the Brazos River
Bruce Bodson has become very reliable in his descriptions of his upcoming high-mileage and endurance-challenging events, which are generally not for the faint of heart. This wasn’t always the case. Bruce used to describe a 32-mile run down the Brazos on low water in August as “should be pretty easy”.
Fran Wilcox, Trip Organizer on the San Bernad River
Fran Wilcox is very reliable, organizing trips on lakes, swamps, or bayous that are pretty low-key.
From left clockwise, Tom Douglas, Natalie Wiest, Christy Long, and Joe Coker
Tom Douglas, Natalie Wiest and Joe Coker and Christy Long run well-researched and fairly predictable trips, except sometimes when weather or biologicals trump the planning. Christy specializes in mini-expeditions (Pecos) and the San Marcos River and leads lots of camping and paddling trips there.
Kent Walters, Trip Organizer on the Buffalo River
That brings us to Kent, who organizes trips of every kind, from night concerts to Champion Lake swamp paddles, to Rio Grande and Buffalo River mini-expeditions. Potential participants should carefully read his descriptions for clues about what might be in store. For example, what Kent considers a “rollicking good time” while riding the dam releases would not earn the same description from Alice. For her, it would be important to note the predictions and recommendations in the event description, like, “expect long wave trains, strong and pushy current in unpredictable hydraulics, big rocks that pop up at the last second, and sweepers - helmets strongly recommended”. Caveat emptor and e pluribus unum. If this is too subtle, well, you’ll just have to be terrified. You have been warned.
Q: What are the biggest disappointments and frustrations with kayaking?
A: When a planned event gets cancelled for weather (thunderstorms), lack of water, flood, lack of participants, lack of whatever, a pandemic or nuclear strike.
Q: Where were you when the pandemic lockdown happened?
A: It just so happens that I was on a Club event, swapping germs on the Pecos River (thanks Christy!) with Houston Canoe Club members Ken McCormick, Christy Long, Amy McGee and Duane Hecklesberg:
Pecos River, Pandale Launch Site
Rest Stop on the Pecos River
Q: What did Søren “Constantin Constantinus” (no relation to our former vice commodore) Aabye Kierkegaard say that would be relevant to our humble paddling adventures?
- The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen, but, if one will, are to be lived.
- Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
Q: What does “au courant” mean?
A: This is what a French paddler would say when someone does something exceptionally stupid on a trip. Loosely translated, it means, “Oh For God’s Sake!”
Q: What is a “bang plate”?
A: This is the British nickname for a cattle prod that has been modified to bring on outings with a bunch of rowdy companions who enjoy demolition derby kayaking. The idea is to align the body of the prod along the shaft of the paddle with the prongs sticking out just beyond the edge of the blade. IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP: Don’t hit the Prod Switch until you have your paddle ready to strike (no more dipping in the water).
WORD OF THE MONTH: Coruscate.
to flash or sparkle
Used in a sentence:
As the sun sank low in the sky ahead of our little fleet, its light coruscated across the ripples on the water’s surface.
The LOCH NESS BEAVER, ALICE, the DUCK, the Armadillo and the Water Moccasin
We came back to Houston for a couple of weeks so I could receive my mandatory wasp sting, and to get our house ready to sell, now that the market has cooled off. Upon our return to Arkansas, we fired up our twice-daily monitoring program at the pond again. Alice (no relation to our club recorder) was there, waiting for us to feed her. She came out from under the dock (her favorite place to take it easy, which seems to be all she does), when Nina called her. We checked the deer feeder at the end of the dock (which we use to feed the fish, turtles and Alice), and found it empty, so we had to go back to the house to get her more food. She hissed at our cats (that’s “Hey, great to see you, how are you doing?” in duck language) and then waddled up to the house from the pond (about 100 yards uphill) to make sure we got the message that she wanted us to feed her. She’s very persistent.
Alice does not follow us on our walks across the stream into our back hay field. “Across the stream” is more accurately described as across where the stream used to be. It has not rained for over a month, and all that’s left of the stream are a few shallow pools. The apex predators and vultures hang out there, since all of their prey has to come for water. A couple of days ago I observed a couple of water moccasins in the pool – a big one next to a branch in the water, and a little one (about two feet long) with a little fish in its mouth. I was busy, so I didn’t deal with them further at that time. Continuing our walk into the hayfield, everything was fine there. We saw an armadillo digging, but he sped away about a hundred yards to his burrow when he saw us.
But I digress. My point is that we fed Alice because we remember the object lesson of the beaver, and she knows where we live.
GOOD ONE:
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD . . .
PARTING THOUGHT:
