AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality.
Q: Kayakers are generally a pretty laid-back and easygoing lot. Under what circumstances might it be appropriate to be genuinely upset at another kayaker?
A: 
Q: What are “pogies”?
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| Pogie with semi-permeable, non-caloric glaze |
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Anorak made of semi-permeable GoreTex |
A: They are paddling sandwiches, like Antone’s Po’ Boy, but specially adapted to paddling activities. For example, if an Antone’s Po’ Boy gets accidentally (or intentionally) splashed, it turns into a soggy mess. The Pogie, on the other hand, maintains its crust because of the non-nutritive, semi-permeable (like GoreTex), crunch-enhancing cereal varnish that is sprayed on the baked baguette at the end of the process. This is a derivative of the product developed by Clark Griswald in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation that kept breakfast cereal from getting soggy in milk.
Q: We have seen some unusual building materials used for canoe construction (coated cardboard, mushrooms, etc.). Do you have another example of an unconventional build?
A: Yes, I do. Shuhei Ogawara built this snazzy-looking, 13-foot, 66-pound canoe from 7,382 discarded (recycled) wooden chopsticks scavenged from the Fukushima city hall cafeteria. I’m thinking that Ogawara-san might have used some radioactive glue in the process as well.
Q: What is the most unusual kayaking venue you have heard of?
A: 
This put-in would give Bruce Bodson a run for his money!
Q: What did the Italian stoic Lucius Annaeus Seneca say that would be relevant to canoeing, kayaking and related fields, and what did he look like?
To your question about what he looked like,
take your pick from the above images.
A: Actually, Seneca had quite a bit to say:
- True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.
- Hang on to your youthful enthusiasms – you’ll be able to use them better when you are older.
- Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as to not injure future ones.
- Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.
- Whatever can happen at any time can happen today.
- As long as you live, keep learning how to live.
- Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.
- Life, if well-lived, is long enough.
- We should always allow some time to elapse, because time discloses the truth.
- Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable foundation.
Bonus Quotes:
- The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach.A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.
- Until we have begun to go without them, we fail to realize how unnecessary many things are. We’ve been using them not because we needed them, but because we had them.
WORD OF THE MONTH: Orchidaceous
Definition: Flashy, showy (like an orchid – get it?).
Synonym: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Used in a sentence:
- We allocated over 50% of our bloated budget to decorations, assuring an outrageously orchidaceous display of irrelevant fluff.
- Frank Ohrt has grown some truly orchidaceous chrysanthemums.
GOOD ONE:
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
You need this interpretive mug in Santa Elena Canyon
OVERHEARD . . .
