AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality.
Q: Why would one need a cart for a canoe or kayak?
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| Cart |
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Cart in Action |
A: Bruce Bodson singlehandedly created the market for canoe carts and kayak carriers with his world-famous river access challenges. You need the cart for the first three miles from the car to the put-in to conserve the energy you will need to negotiate the actual put-in (please see photos below).
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| Path to Brazos River Put In |
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A Brazos River Portage |
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| Brazos River Take Out |
Q: How do you know how dangerous a rapid is?
Scouting a Class LVI Rapid
A: There is a caste system that water snobs use to grade rapids with roman numerals, but if the rapid does not know you are an expert, or Italian, it will flip you over quicker than your synapses can fire to form the beginnings of a thought. Another method of determining how much trouble you could get into is to “scout” a rapid, which is a high-falootin’ word for walking over and looking at it. This actually does you no good on most Texas rivers because you can’t see what lies just below the surface of the murky water, where most of the hazards lurk.
Q: What is one of Christy’s areas of emphasis when she is coordinating a paddling camping trip?
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Pecos
Camp 1 |
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Pecos at Rock Ledge Canyon
Camp 2 |
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Pecos
Camp 3 |
A: First, you should know that Christy is one of those rare individuals who gets up well before any hint of natural light is apparent to start her coffee. I am one of those not-so-rare individuals who treasures his sleep and extends it as long as possible. It was on the Pecos River (a truly wonderful trip, by the way) that these two lifestyle preferences manifested themselves. I don’t remember the exact words that were exchanged, but Christy said something like, “I’m here to work and prove my capabilities against nature.” My response was something like, “I’m on vacation”. Of course, she was right, since she was responsible for maintaining the daily schedule to meet up with the shuttle at the end, but I digress. With that background . . .
Q: What kind of water shoes work best for canoeing and kayaking?
A: Unquestionably Manolo Blahnik Flequillois. These well-made, comfortable boots serve multiple purposes on a paddling adventure. First, they provide full foot protection. Second, they don’t allow those pesky rocks and gravel to get in and stay under your feet, like all of the pathetic “purpose-built” water shoes. Third, they have solid soles that will not hurt your feet when you are walking on rocks, like the ever-popular NRS “hooker” boots. Fourth, when you are out and about, they provide excellent, double-layered protection against varmints – water moccasins and rattlesnakes can’t bite through the material, and they get confused in the fringe if they try. And finally, in our preferred paddling venues, the heels on these babies can puncture alligator skulls. The Flequillois are a little pricy, but well worth it when you think about it. Leave it to the Spaniards to design and produce this Swiss army knife of footwear.
Q: What did Sigurd “Why Wilderness” Ferdinand Olson say with respect to canoeing?
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| Ziggy Olson |
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A: Young SF said, “There is magic in the feel of a paddle and the movement of a canoe, a magic compounded of distance, adventure, solitude and peace.”
WORD OF THE MONTH: CIRCUMLOCUTION
Definition: the use of many words where fewer would do, especially in a deliberate attempt to be vague or evasive.
Used in a sentence: One of the fundamental literary tools used in the development of each installment of “Paddling Perspectives” is circumlocution.
Example of circumlocution with an added dash of circular logic: This story is called Anita’s Kayak. It’s about Anita, and a kayak. But Anita’s Kayak is not the name of the kayak. It’s just the name of the story. And that’s why I called this story Anita’s Kayak. NOTE: those of extraordinary and extensive literary exposure may have thought to themselves, “hey, I’ve heard something like that somewhere before.” And, sure enough, credit where credit is due, you are sensing of the structure of the opening lines of “Alice’s Restaurant” by Arlo Guthrie.
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| Arlo Guthrie Then |
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Arlo Guthrie Now |
GOOD ONE:
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD . . .
