AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality.
Click on image, to englarge.
Q: When canoes and kayaks are named or referenced, why is it often as a she (feminine), like, “She’s got a fine, sturdy frame”, or, “She’s a beauty, isn’t she”?
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| Feminine-La Canoa |
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Helmuth |
A1: One reason is that, in many languages, a thing that is referred to as “it” in English has gender, like in French there are seven different words for boat, each of them associated with a gender-specific article. Unfortunately for our example, six out of the seven French words for boat are associated with the masculine “le”, leaving only one in the feminine “la” category of words. Furthermore, the more relevant French word for canoe is “le canoe” and for kayak “le kayak”. If you are counting, that’s 8 masculine against 1 feminine. How does the saying go? “No model survives first contact with implementation”, which, for those who enjoy racing down trails of questionable utility, is a derivative of the famous quote by Prussian Field Marshall Helmuth Karl Bernhard Moltke (the Elder), “Rein Plan überlebt Die Erste Feindberührung”. Getting back to gender-based linguistic origins, Spanish is similar to French, with its principle word for boat, “barco”, solidly in the masculine category with the article “el”. And ship comes from the German “das schiff”, also masculine (das=masculine, die=feminine) – not to be sabotaged by the equally masculine “das boot” or das kanu or das kajak. Finally, we find a feminine example in Italian, “la barca” and “la canoa”, but alas, “il kayak”. Two out of three – we’ll take it. Back to Spanish (my personal favorite), while “el barco” persists, this is the romance language that feminizes both canoe and kayak – “la canoa” and “la kayak”. Whew, I was beginning to wonder . . .
A2: I would rather not go there . . .
Q: What, exactly, is canoedling?
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| Candedles |
A: Canoedling is the outward manifestation of an unhealthy fascination/obsession with canoes made apparent by the absentminded sketching, or “doodling” of canoes during any and all free moments. The resulting “canoedles” are carefully preserved with the canoedler’s vital statistic documents as critical and permanent archival evidence of a life well-lived.
Q: What did Bertrand “Bert” Russell say that could relate to canoeing and our club members?
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| Bert Russel Studio PHoto |
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Bert Russel |
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Bert Russel Caricatures |
A: "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
“The secret of happiness is this: let your interests be as wide as possible, and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile.”
“If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.”
“There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.”
NOTE: Paddling Perspectives is an excellent example of this.
Q: What is the history of the “Euro-Blade” paddle?
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| Little Al |
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Werner Von Braum |
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| Werner V2 Rocket |
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Werner Paddle |
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Werner Paddle |
A: I’m glad you asked. It is quite the fascinating and abundantly illustrated story. The Euro-Blade paddle was developed in Europe (hence “Euro”) when the kayaking population became aware of the true nature and depth of the Duit (Danish-Inuit) paddle cartel’s price fixing and supply manipulations with their Greenland paddle monopoly. The rest of Europe had to find a way to skirt the patent infringement penalties to keep their future paddles affordable, and so came up with a design with a longer shaft and shorter, but fatter (wider) blades on the ends. Albert Einstein, a patent clerk in Switzerland at the time, was able to approve the “Euro” design as sufficiently different from the Duit design to get it past the bureaucrats, and an industry was born. Recognizing the profit potential by factoring in the pent-up demand and low production costs, Werner Von Braun immediately started a company (Werner) dedicated to the manufacturing and marketing of kayak paddles, neglecting his rocketry projects to the point that Hitler was getting ready to fire his ass.
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| Adolf |
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Eva Von Braun |
Fortunately for Werner, his sister, Eva, was sleeping with Der Führer and he, Werner, was able to continue both ventures (paddles and rockets) with great ultimate success.
Werner’s competitors were Vertical Element (VE) in Great Britain, Ophion in Slovenia, Taje/Zegul in Estonia and France and Prijon in Germany, but they weren’t kick-started as quickly since they did not have Adolf’s blessing as early as Werner.
Epilogue: Although the Duit cartel has long since dissolved, its profit model and moniker live on as the foundation of the Nike Corporation, with an anglicized conversion of the original cartel name cleverly preserved in its subtitle (see logo above).
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD . . .
