AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality.
Feathered Kayak Paddle
Q: What is “feathering” on a kayak paddle?
A: A feathered kayak paddle is a double-bladed paddle that has feathers applied to the trailing edge to minimize the turbulence and noise when the blades enter the water. This is traditionally accomplished with a hot glue gun and feathers from an old, cheap, duck feather tick – the cheaper the better because the feathers are more intact in the really crappy comforters. Of course, you could always revert to the direct approach: go out and shoot a duck, which would produce superior results and greater reliability.
Feathered paddles are most often utilized by the special ops branches of the military for sneaking up on enemy positions, or for concealed approaches by smugglers, or for naturalists attempting to approach wildlife for a shot at a National Geographic photo credit. They are rarely used by white water enthusiasts.
Q: What are the essential differences between and canoe and a kayak?
A: It’s mostly about image. A kayak inherently looks much cooler than a canoe. A canoe always looks kind of trashy because you can see everything the canoeist has brought with him, from his lunch to his toilet arrangements. There are no secrets in a canoe. The kayak, on the other hand, is awash with mystery. A kayaker can bring all kinds of stuff that will remain hidden from the view of curious onlookers.
The above observations assume “kayak” is of the Sit-Inside variety. It might be instructive at this point in our investigation to illustrate the exception to the “kayak of mystery”. This aberration is the SOT (Sit-On-Top) kayak, which is always referred to as a kayak, but which much more closely resembles a canoe. Some SOT kayaks have hatches that allow access to the inner hull, and can hide gear very effectively, but most SOT kayakers are fundamentally lazy and just throw all of their junk in the back well, secured or unsecured by bungies, which do nothing to hide the content. Further strengthening the case that SOT kayaks are actually canoes in disguise is the fact that the features that appeal to lazy people are common among the two craft: They are easy to get into and out of and they allow a person to turn around and access stuff behind them. These features also allow for fishing, which is a very tricky proposition in a Sit-Inside kayak. I mean, if you are successful at fishing, where would you put the fish in a real kayak? I mean, you can’t just throw it on the deck and expect it to still be there at the end of your excursion. Even if you could, say, put the fish under a deck bungie, it would then defeat the aesthetics of the kayak. And if you could secure your fish conveniently on the deck, you would at least have to suspect that you have been misled into thinking your craft is a kayak when it is actually a canoe. See how this works?
Q: How does one find a good place to put in and take out?
A: Good question. A responsible trip leader will go look at the possibilities, try them out, and pick the best ones. I use Google maps and old trip reports, and hope for the best. This is one notch more sophisticated than Bruce, who gives you a road number, a time and a river name, and when everybody shows up, it is what it is. Take-outs are especially exciting, and it behooves a participant to come prepared with climbing rope, carabiners, harness, cams, a figure-8, cramp-ons and headlamps. The wise participant will come with tent, sleeping bag, and at least one extra day of food and water.
Q: Which will win between an alligator and a Burmese python?”
Python vs Alligator
A1: I saw a picture of a Burmese python swallowing an alligator, so this is categorical proof that the python will win.
A2: This is a tricky question, because much depends on size and which animal got the drop on the other. An overly ambitious python will probably not succeed because, even with its unhinging elastic jaws, there are limits to its final circumference. But it could still squeeze the life out of an alligator for spite.
Q: How many alligators were killed in the February freeze?
Alligator poised to snatch a dead bird
A: None. Alligators are cold-blooded, which means the colder it gets, the more they like it. When it gets really cold, alligators have a double advantage – they enjoy the weather and they have an easy “fast” food buffet with all of the thawed dead birds they can reach.
Q: What words of wisdom from Ralph Waldo “Wally” Emerson apply to canoeing?
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Time - What to do with it |
A: As we ponder our COVID situation:
“This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.”
I suggest kayaking and canoeing are what to do with it.
Bonus quote from Wally:
“Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
I suggest this is far easier to do in nature while contemplating a day of kayaking.
Q: I have heard that water moccasins are aggressive. Is that true?
Passive, Aggressive, or Bi-Polar?
A: In most photos and videos of water moccasins, as in the photo above, the animal is coming toward the photographer. This suggests that most of the time, they are either aggressive or longing for affection. I will ere on the cautious side, and consider this aggression.
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
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NOTE: Most of what I write in this segment of our newsletter is complete BS, but this is for real. While most of you do not contribute articles and trip reports for the newsletter, those of us who do have some idea of how good John Rich really is. This guy is a gem - an absolute pleasure to work with – very accommodating, gracious and encouraging in his interactions with us throughout the revision process. He adds a great deal to each newsletter with his “Canoes in the News”, his “Education Corner”, his cover page art, his own well-researched trip reports, his April Fools articles, and his collection of resources, including his creation of the Master Trip Report Index. John has refined the newsletter into a legacy centerpiece for the Houston Canoe Club with his attention to detail and consistent publication. He has produced more than 140 issues over his 12 years of service – truly well above and beyond any expected volunteer service level. We salute John as he moves on and applies his considerable talents to his other interests, and offer our heart-felt “Thank You” for his incredible contributions. Well done, John!
OVERHEARD . . .