AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be entertaining at the expense of truth and accuracy, but I sneak in some good information as well. It is up to the reader to distinguish between entertainment and reality.
Q: Is there such a thing as alligator deterrent or repellant?
A: Of course. In a double-blind test (both judges were blind), it was clearly demonstrated that alligators preferred the kayaker with the “Hello Kitty” decal on his kayak over the kayaker with the shark teeth and angry, squinty-eyed expression on the front of his kayak. As discussed in previous articles, there are other benefits to the shark’s teeth decals.
Q: How important is it to dress appropriately for kayaking?
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| Bride in Playboat |
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Darth |
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Canoeing Couple |
(Click to enlarge)
A: It depends on several factors, but from the photos above, and assuming these people lived, appropriate outerwear is obviously not critical in some situations.
Q: Often sub-groups, or “teams” will form within an organization as large and influential as the Houston Canoe Club. Do you belong to any of these?
A: Yes, anyone familiar with my underlying and overarching philosophies of life will not be surprised to learn that I am a founding member of the great Sloth Kayak Team, which causes no lack of frustration on the part of the more goal-oriented of our number. My motto – “Life is a vacation, enjoy it while it lasts”.
Follow-up Q: Wait a minute, I thought you often coordinate and participate in the more “High Adventure” type of trip, like the canyons of Big Bend, and the Buffalo River in Arkansas, and the Pecos River. How does this align with your “Sloth Kayaking Club” philosophy?
A: This is totally consistent. Just ask Christy, who coordinated the Pecos River trip at the beginning of 2020. I have nothing against adventure – in fact, I crave it. However, it has to be convenient adventure, as in, don’t get me up when it’s still dark and cold. On the water by 10:00 is plenty early to get anything done that’s worth doing. Here is the other half of my “Life is a Vacation” philosophy to help you understand this duality better:
Regular readers may recognize this idea from a previous installment where we were considering if kayaking is safe.
Q: Are there any fairy tales involving canoes or kayaks?
A: Most certainly. Most of them are fairly short, rely heavily on pictures, and cut to the chase. Best of all, they are most often true. Here’s an example of one of my favorites:
BONUS KAYAKING FAIRY TALE (which deviates from the classic style above in its more direct messaging):
Q: How do you know when you are canoeing above your skill level?
Capability Feedback
Q: Is there a shortcut to shuttling?
A: Why yes, there is. However, it involves breaking some laws and compromising fundamentally intuitive safety principles, not to mention the possibility of exceeding the structural capacity of the shuttle vehicle.
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| Maximizing the Shuttle |
MUG O’ THE MONTH:
OVERHEARD . . . (or, in this case, overseen on a T-shirt)