Paddling Perspectives:
Your Cosmic Paddling Questions Answered
October 2019
by Kent Walters
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be funny, but I sneak in some good information as well.
EXCITING NEW COLUMN FEATURE: Added this month, “OVERHEARD . . .”
Q: Where can I find the flame decals that make kayaks go faster, and how do they work?
A: You can find the decals on Amazon.com. Note that racing stripe decals work just as well.
Here’s how it works:
- Measure your sustained average speed on a 2-mile course in the kayak you’re going to modify
- Apply the decal or paint the flames on (painting works just as well)
- Go kayaking for at least 10 hours a week for 3 months in that kayak
- After 3 months, time yourself on the same 2-mile course, and you’ll see that your sustained average speed has increased.
It really works! David Portz did this with black racing stripes on his yellow “Sparky”.
Try to keep up with him.
Q: How can you tell if a water moccasin is healthy?
A1: If you pick it up and it bites you, it’s healthy.
A2: If you move toward it to pick it up and it bites you, it’s healthy.
A3: If you get within 6” of its head and it just sits there, it either needs medical attention or it’s dead.
IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP: DO NOT ATTEMPT mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (aka “rescue breathing”)
Consider as “DNR”.
Q: When planning a multi-day trip, how do you select the starting date?
A: I use my Executive Decision Maker tool, asking a series of questions and then spinning the tool for each question (please see photo above). If the first answer does not make sense, I spin again.
In the past I have used a random number generator, with integer limits set from 0 to 2, where 0=no, 1=yes, and 2=maybe.
Q: Can you use the word “natation” in a sentence about kayaking?
A1: Sure. I’ll do it twice: “One of the indicators of competent kayaking is the absence of natation in any form.” “My popular prime directive “THIS SIDE UP” minimizes natation.”
Q: I love SCUBA diving and I love kayaking. Is there some way to combine the two activities?
A1: A picture is worth a thousand words (please see above), but I’m not sure you could find enough people to form a club out of the merger.
A2: Yes. The most popular form of combining SCUBA and kayaking is to paddle out to the dive site instead of expending huge amounts of natational energy with a snorkel. For this, you need a fishing kayak (sit-on-top) with an anchor.
IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT . . .
Kayaking is not a hobby – it is a post-apocalyptic survival skill
OVERHEARD . . .
What do you mean your paddling trip went so well you lost track of time?
You were supposed to be home over a year ago!
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| The author, Kent Walters |