AUTHOR’S NOTE: This column is intended to be funny, but I sneak some good information in as well.  



Q: Fixed-wing aircraft have a “coffin corner” and rotary-wing aircraft have a “dead-man’s curve” indicating combinations of altitude, temperature, mass and true airspeed that put the aircraft at risk. Is there some kind of corresponding envelope of critical failure in kayaking and/or canoeing?

A1: You’re kidding, right?

A2: Oh, you’re serious. Okay, well, no, there is nothing that would correspond closely to the tricky condition where an airplane is flying so high and fast that the airspeed required to keep it flying is equal to the “critical Mach number” speed to keep it stable. For the uninitiated, when this happens, the only place to go is down in a wing stall, or slower, or most likely, both. This is often not survivable because the recovery procedures result in G-forces that pull the plane apart even before the ground interrupts the process in what is commonly referred to as a “crash” or “impact” or “crater”.

However, there are some critical parameters in kayaking that can result in similar, if often less fatal, failures. These would most often be caused by condition of equipment combined with “pilot error”. For example, trying to edge your kayak without a spray deck, or with a defective or damaged spray skirt, often results in filling your boat with water. This causes you and your kayak to float low in the water, which is a very unstable condition. Trust me on this. Similarly, leaning over to avoid cane in the canyons of Big Bend will usually put you sideways in a canoe, and upside down in a kayak. For the kayaker, this is an unsustainable position, but recovery is usually more likely for the kayaker than for a U2 pilot. Again, you can take my word for it (as a kayaker, not as a U2 pilot).


Thinking outside the box for a few moments, we can formulate more extreme “Watch This” scenarios that might get closer to the “coffin corner” idea. For example, paddling down the lava flows of Kilauea through the Leilani Estates neighborhood, where the fiberglass, Kevlar, cedar strips, roto-molded or thermoformed plastic of canoes and kayaks will melt or burn far below the 900degC temperatures of the exposed lava. There is a theoretical (theorized by me) “thermal envelope” where you would not want to be in that kayak or canoe. Besides becoming unstable as the vaporization of your boat took place, the ensuing lack of a boat would make the remainder of the ride very uncomfortable for its 0.01-millisecond duration. This, thankfully, I cannot relate to you by experience.

IMPORTANT: Before you start this run, make sure your videographer buddy has fresh batteries and an SD Card in his GoPro.

The good news is you won’t need to worry about any physical funeral expenses.



Q: I am familiar with the risks of dehydration as we venture out in the summer heat, but now I am hearing about risks of drinking too much water. Is this really a thing?

A: Yes, it is really a thing. It is called hyponatremia, and it occurs when the concentration of sodium in your blood is abnormally low. Sodium is an electrolyte that helps regulate the amount of water in and around your cells. In hyponatremia, the sodium in your body becomes diluted. When this happens, your body's water levels rise, and your cells begin to swell. This swelling can cause many health problems, from mild to life-threatening. Depending on the cause, you may simply need to cut back on how much you drink. In other cases of hyponatremia, you may need intravenous electrolyte solutions and medications.

SYMPTOMS:
Nausea and vomiting, Headache, Confusion (my natural state), Loss of energy, drowsiness and fatigue, Restlessness and irritability, Muscle weakness, spasms or cramps, Seizures, Coma

PREVENTION:
Drink only as much fluid as you lose due to sweating during any intense activity, and be sure to let me know how you determine the volume of water you sweat. Thirst is generally a good guide to how much water or other fluids you need. Also, consider drinking sports beverages that contain electrolytes when participating in endurance events and other demanding activities. I personally prefer ZipFizz, but there are many options (Gatorade, etc.).

Drinking water is vital for your health, so make sure you drink enough fluids, but don't overdo it. Thirst and the color of your urine are usually the best indications of how much water you need. If you're not thirsty and your urine is pale yellow, you are likely getting enough water.



Q: How reliable is the “5-second rule” (of food safety)?

A: If I understand your question correctly, you are referring to the hypothesis that if food is dropped on the ground and you retrieve it within 5 seconds, then it is still safe to eat, the theory being that it has not spent enough time on the ground to attract dangerous microbes. I will proceed with the assumption that I have correctly interpreted your question.

As with many of our reader questions, this has multiple answers. Let me explain . . .

There are certain situational sensitivities, such as type of food, type and location of surface it is dropped on, types of bacteria on the surface, and extenuating circumstances. For example, if you drop an ice cream cone onto the ground, you might imagine that would present you with a worse bacterial situation than dropping a skittle on the ground. The same scenario on a public restroom floor might present more parity to the outcome (don’t eat either). Likewise, the same scenario within the range of a growling pit bull’s leash would dissuade me from the 5-second recovery attempt.

In point of fact, transfer of bacteria is immediate and inevitable, but the quantity of bacterial transfer depends on length of contact. For example, after 5 seconds, your food will acquire 150-8,000 bacteria, but after 10 minutes, your food will have 10x that number (1,500-80,000 bacteria).

On the other hand, our environment is so chock full of bacteria that what is truly amazing is that we don’t get sick from just existing. Our immune systems are incredible.

For example, thinking about the previous 5-second acquisition of 150-8000 bacteria, if you touch one letter on the screen on your cellphone, you have just picked up 6,281 bacteria, give or take a few.

To answer your question:
In specific terms, the 5-second rule is not at all reliable.
In practical terms, grab that skittle and enjoy.


BONUS 1:
For a cool cedar strip canoe construction video, see here. 


And here is a potential new column feature . . .

IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT. . .
Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a kayak, and that is pretty much the same thing.

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The author, Kent Walters