Humor II
Sept. 2015
More humor brought to you as a reprint from a 29-year-old 1986 edition of the HCC newsletter.
BIG ED'S GLOSSARY
Airbag - a paddler who talks too much.
Air brace - an excellent way to cool off .
Aluminum canoe - a type of craft used to make rock music in low water.
Bailer - a person who springs you from jail
after you run the Blanco.
Biner - what happens when you forget to take the
carabineer off the throw rope before
throwing it.
Brace - what everyone needs to do when rounding
a sharp turn in a shuttlecar loaded with six
boats.
Canoe - support barge for kayak trip.
Canoe rack - tool used to stretch out a wrapped
canoe.
D-ring - D head noise after D helmet hits D rock.
Decked canoe - one that gets run over by a raft.
Dry bag - waterproof container still in its
original box.
Eskimo roll - cold weather bread.
Expert boater - same as expert boaster.
Farmer John - the guy who is after you for trespassing.
Feather - what your paddle doesn't feel like
in the wind or at the end of the day.
Goretex - blood and guts paddler from Texas.
Guide book - the book at home that doesn't
have this river in it anyway.
Gunnels - part of an open boat used for
bracing.
Hero route - the route that you have to take
after you miss the last eddy.
Knee pads - cushions for your knees while
praying.
Painter - a paddler who leaves canoe colors on the
tops of rocks.
River time - some fraction of the shuttle time.
Rollers - waves that make your hair curl.
Self-rescue - a technique acquired when you
find that your buddies have
gone on downstream.
Short shuttle - what it was before you got
lost.
Standing waves - waves so big that you have
to stand up to get a breath.
Tandem canoe - a craft used to reveal two
paths around the same rock.
Throw rope - an expression to use when you've fallen out of
your boat.
Trip leader - the one person who remembers
paddling the river before.
Trip report - fiction used to encourage
return trips.
Upset - what you are after you flip over.
Whitewater - any water that matches the
color of a novice paddler's face when they are in it.